Many people would like to try some BDSM, but most don’t how you might go about arranging a session with me (even in a post Fifty Shades world). I recently had a session with a woman who I have known for some time. She has been exploring her sexuality and wanted to go further, having discovered the delights of rope, hot wax, and self denial.

Below I have reproduced the email that she sent me when her ideas came together after some light rope play. If you are wondering where you would start exploring BDSM, then this is it – in your fantasies. Think of your scenario, your scene. What would you like to try, how would want to submit?

Firstly, thank you for making me feel comfortable enough to ask you for what I want. And thank god for email because I don’t know if I could say this out loud.

Obviously I want you to do these things for me only if you are enthusiastically happy to. I don’t want to presume that everything/anything is ok with you.

I want to feel dominated by you.

As soon as I get in the door. Push me up against the wall and use your body to keep me there. Hold me by my hair. Or my wrists. Bite me on the neck. Or wherever. Kiss me long and slow. Until I’m drowning. Don’t let me move.

Take me to the bedroom when you’re ready but make me wait.

Light some candles….

Slow me down. Really slow. Make it torturous. Kiss me some more. Or not.

I might ask you to, but let’s not have sex yet.

Tie me up with rope first. Please. However you like. Don’t ask me, just do it how you’d like. Arms, legs, both – I don’t care.

I will be dying to have sex with you by then, but there’s one more thing.

I want to watch you pick up one of the candles and drip the hot wax onto my body. Wherever you like. As much as you like.

And then, when I can’t take anymore of that, let’s have sex.

Unless there’s anything else you think I need first.

Gosh, I’m all hot and bothered now ;)”

Even if you never go beyond the fantasy in your mind, it will give you pleasure. But the day that you are ready to step out of your comfort zone and try these things in real life, you will have a clear story that you can pursue. It will make it easier for both you and you master or mistress as everyone will know what to expect and how the story is meant to play out.

The session described above did happen, including improvisations that I added that I felt matched the mood at the time and the overall scene. And the result was a beautiful afternoon of power play, domination, and complete submission.

And here were her thoughts after the session…

Thank you so much.

You set the mood perfectly and outdid yourself with your interpretation of my wish list.

Especially when you had me by the hair with one hand and by the throat with the other. I was actually a bit scared then. And when I was on my hands and knees in the rope and felt the scissors on my skin. Oh and I LOVED it when you brushed my hair. I felt vulnerable and beautiful but somehow protected at the same time. Mmmm – shivers thinking about it.

I am absolutely up for more of that.

Plus I felt a bit naughty – being out in public with you was an interesting feeling, as was being sans knickers!

I definitely love being fucked by you.
I feel free and open and relaxed.
I feel like I don’t need to worry about, or moderate, or edit my behaviour with you. I’m fine as I am.

And it was so lovely to have you just be comfortable with my tears.”

It is impossible to know exactly how a session is going to go and things will develop on their own as the scene progresses, but starting with a plan means that no-one gets carried away and everyone knows (broadly) what to expect next.

The messages that I have quoted above are not the entire story, they are the culmination of previous sessions and discussions, but the first one does at least show you the core of defining and describing your scene.

The most obvious thing missing here was arranging a safe word (very, very important) which we also did prior to the session.

So, if you have ever wondered what it would be like to give up control and experience your fantasies in a safe, consensual way, then write them down and contact me.

MJohn.